My open letter to Oregon.

Dear Oregon,

Please forgive me if I seem a little distant when I return. You must understand what I'm going through. For the past 2 and a half weeks I've been home on the east coast. I just want you to know that you will never, ever, take that away from me, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. I tried, I really did, but the more I attempted to embrace the west coast the prouder I became of the east. I mean, you have to admit, you're a little intimidating. You and your mountains, and valleys, and rocky coast lines. It's hard to take it all in. You're bigger than Maryland, you're rugged and vast. It's quite an adjustment!

I've sacrificed a lot for you. I've sacrificed my finances, my family, relationships, and I'm sorry, but I just think that by now I should get something in return. I'm not mad at you, I'm just...disappointed. I admired you from a far for so long. Every time I talked about you I got this little twinkle in my eye and everyone was so happy for me when we finally got together.

Lately, things haven't been good. I guess I expected something different than what you've given me, and it's hard getting used to having you in my life. I think it's going to take some time. You've introduced to some amazing people, but I fear that they haven't "stuck" yet, ya know? I feel as if you and I just float along, but we never make any memories. The handful of people we hang out with have their good moments, but I think they could easily forget about me. I feel as though I have to work to make myself known when I'm with you.

I don't blame you for what has happened and I don't want you to blame yourself. You're beautiful, and I love being with you, it's just been very easy to settle into what I know and who I used to be. I have so many memories with Maryland and I know it like the back of my hand. When you and I came together I had to start over and I hope you understand how difficult that was. It's going to be even harder when I come back, but I want you to go easy on me, OK? Don't throw me too much because I'm going to be a little fragile. Please keep that in mind.

I just want you to know that I do love you, but it's a new love and it might take some time to get comfortable. When I say those things about you it's only because you haven't let me in. You're cold and dark, and sometimes you make me feel so lonely I want to curl up in a ball and sleep for the rest of my life, but I know that for the most part that's my fault. I just wish you could work with me a little more than you have.

We have had some good. You make me question my surroundings and you challenge me everyday...I love that about you. I'm more creative and introspective around you and I always appreciate the little things. You've taught me to find the small wonders in my life and I'm so grateful for that.

The scary thing about you, Oregon, is sometimes you cause me to question who I am as a person. Sometimes I feel that you expect me to be a certain way and I don't like that. I am who I am and I know there's a part of you that loves that about me, but it's so hard sometimes to stay true to myself. I don't like questioning my personality. In this new year, I'm making a vow to be good to myself and that includes telling you when you are wrong. You know, you CAN be wrong sometimes even though you don't like to admit it.

I'm not giving up on you, so please, don't give up on me. I think we can do this. I'm ready to make this work and I think you are too. Give me time, and work with me, and I think we can patch together the last 3 months. I haven't been happy, but I'm ready to make a change for you. You mean that much to me. I hope in the long run I can mean that much to you. I love you.

Bri