Let's blog about looking back.

I'm not quite sure how I want to start this. I do know, however, that I want to address the topic of starting over. I think the main purpose of this entry is to discuss the feeling you get when you realize you have left someone in the past. There's a certain nostalgia attached to that feeling and it's something that cannot be explained.

Tonight my best friend and I were reminiscing about old times. She's my rock, and even though there have been years where we haven't spoken we have managed to grow up with one another rather than grow out of one another. I'm not sure if it will be like this my whole life, but as of now I don't plan on losing her. That's the funny little thing about life...it changes you. There's no reason for it, there's no warning and there are certainly no answers. This is where it gets complicated. Too many people want to know why things happen the way they happen and at the end of the day the only simple explanation is "life". Things happen because this world never stops. We are constantly transforming and adapting, but our metamorphoses change in different ways.

At this point in my life nostaliga seems very odd to me, but once upon a time it wasn't like that. I used to spend a large amount of time thinking about my past and what it meant for my future. I then hit a point when I decided I didn't give a flying fuck what happened in my past. I was introduced to a girl tonight I didn't recognize; a nostalgic girl that once again longed for the naivety and starry eyes that goes along with the overall teenage feeling. It was somewhat refreshing to look at my life from the other side and even though at this moment in time I feel wise beyond my years it's quite possible one day I'll yearn for this version of myself. Who was I back then? What did I like? What went through my head during my coming-of-age period?

Tonight I was forced to think about people that I have left in the past. Some were mean-spirited and condescending and some were simply beautiful souls who lost their way. I wasn't bitter or resentful while thinking about these people. I was peaceful; I was at ease. And even though I am the closest to closure I've ever been I still have this dream-like nostalgia when I think about those people.

I wonder if they'd even recognize me now; me in all my assertiveness. Would they like what they saw? Would they pat themselves on the back for helping me get here? There's no way of telling what we would talk about now and maybe a conversation is out of the question.

Maybe we're all just marauders for one another; helping each other get to certain spaces on the game board. Should we look back? Of course. All we can do is cherish the time spent with one another, but when it is time to roll the dice...you have to roll the dice. You know what I'm saying?


Take it easy everyone. Happy dreams.